The Ring 2

I was one of those people that enjoyed "The Ring", while at the same time not understanding completely all the hype that surrounded it. "The Ring" was a serviceable scary movie. It had its jumps; it had its scary moments; hell, it even had a creepy, black-and-whitish dead girl ("CBAWDG" for short) climbing out of a well (and a television screen).

You will recall that, in "The Ring", CBAWDG only presented herself (and killed people) 7 days after the person watched a videotape. In this sequel, the videotape is all but gone, present only in the inevitable opening scene. Now, CBAWDG wants a mother, and apparently the only one available is Naomi Watts. The same little kid actor is back playing Naomi Watts' son. In "The Ring", the kid called his mother "Rachel" rather than Mom. In "The Ring 2", they use that little bit of info to announce to the audience when the kid is possessed by CBAWDG. (For only when CBAWDG is in control does the kid call Naomi "Mommy".)

The movie was ok. It had a couple spooky moments, and I never get tired of that spooky, stop-action style of filming that makes ghosts move all herky-jerky. Totally creeps me out. But the film ends with a lot of unanswered questions. I can understand if they didn't answer the questions to keep the issues open-ended, but it comes off more as sloppy writing than anything else.

In the end, this movie offered nothing new to the genre. You don't see CBAWDG kill anyone on screen. In fact, the actual deaths in the movie are very few (I can think of only a couple). It rates an "Eh".

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Harold is an Asian-American accountant who works in a cubicle, is bullied by his peers, wants to date his beautiful neighbor, and, during the night in which this movie takes place, wants to satiate his marijuana-induced hunger with a White Castle “slider”.

Kumar is a guy of indeterminate (at least by me) Middle Eastern ethnicity who’s a ne’er-do-well wise-ass slacker who continuously interviews for med-schools, just to keep his father paying Kumar’s rent; and, during the night in which this movie takes place, wants to satiate his marijuana-induced hunger with a White Castle “slider”.

Harold and Kumar are the Cheech and Chong of the 21^st Century. However, the similarity between H&K and C&C ends with the pot. H&K are intelligent young men who enjoy their pot, but spend the majority of this movie on a quest for it, not just using it, all the while trying to find the elusive White Castle. Along the way they meet a variety of bizarre characters – Jaime Kennedy in an uncredited cameo as a very gross, pus-spewing hillbilly [UPDATE: Rob Wrate notified me that this character was not played by the aforementioned Jaime Kennedy, although he does have a later cameo]; an inexperienced pot-dealer at Princeton; an over-the-top doctor (played by Ryan Reynolds); violent skinheads; and, my favorite – Neil Patrick Harris playing himself.

Neil Patrick Harris (or “NPH” as he’s referred to by one Doogie fan in the movie) is hilarious. Playing himself, he hitches a ride with H&K, and the following dialogue ensues:

Harold: Neil, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?
NPH: Dude, I don’t even know where the f**k I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible “X” - next thing I know I’m being thrown out of a moving car. I’ve been trippin’ balls ever since.
Kumar: That’s crazy, dude. We’ve been having a pretty crazy night, too. We’ve just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.
NPH: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let’s go get some p**sy!
Harold: Huh?
NPH: It’s a f**king sausage fest in here, bros. Let’s get some p**ntang, THEN we’ll go to White Castle.
Kumar: No, Neil, you don’t understand. We’ve been craving these burgers all night.
NPH: Yeah, I’ve been craving burgers, too. Furburgers. Come on, dudes, let’s pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers. [singing] Lapdance...
Kumar: [pause] There’s a gas station. I’m gonna see if I can get some directions.
NPH: You don’t need dir- gah! Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I’m losing wood.

As you can see, we ain’t in Kansas anymore. Watch this movie. Oh, and rumor has it that a sequel is in the works: “Harold and Kumar Go to Amsterdam”. Please, let this be true….

Troy

Hmmm. What can I say about "Troy"? It was ok. One of the biggest problems for me was that I only liked two of the characters - Hector (played by Incredible Hulk Eric Bana) and Priam (played by Peter O'Toole). All the other characters were incredibly annoying. Achilles (Brad Pitt) was an arrogant prick. Paris (Orlando Bloom) was a selfish wussy. Agamemnon was a royal ass. Briseis (Rose Byrne) was a traitorous bitch. Odysseus (Sean Bean) was decent enough, but with little screen time. The female characters were all pretty much props which the male characters used as motivation. No real character development for any of them.

I'm sure that the movie studio had visions of this film being an "Epic". It's not. Not even close. It's long, that's for sure - it comes in at 163 minutes. And it has enormous battle scenes. But it lacks the solid script required to fall into the "Epic" category.

So, where does that leave me and this review? Not sure. I guess it was ok for a $4 rental. It passed the time, and I, for the most part, wasn't bored. Sorry, "Troy", but that's the best I can do.

Exorcist: The Beginning

I rented "Exorcist: The Beginning" this weekend. It tells the story of Father Merrin's first fight with the big, bad, pea-soup-spitting, head-spinning, mother-insulting, possessor of little children.

The unusual thing about this prequel is that it was actually written and filmed twice. The first prequel was written and directed by Paul Schrader. However, after the producer saw it, it was prompty discounted as not being "scary" enough. Paul was given the sack, and Renny Harlin was brought in to write and direct an altogether new prequel. Paul's prequel was shoved on a shelf somewhere, never to be released (although I've heard rumors that it will still see the light of day somewhere).

I guess the highest praise I can give "Exorcist: The Beginning" is that it was better than I thought it was going to be. Some decent thrills, and an interesting back-story. Not high cinema, though, that's for sure. But, in a pinch, it can be used to satisfy your scary movie needs. Nowhere near as good as the original "Exorcist", but volumes better than "Exorcist II: The Heretic".

This squirrel has nothing to do with movie reviews, but he sure is nuts.

"Cursed" review

A werewolf movie starring Christina Ricci and Jesse Eisenberg (aka, the brother of that creepy Pepsi girl; Kid with the dorky hat in "The Village"; and star of the canceled-too-soon TV show "Get Real"). Now, I should preface this review by saying that my expectations for this movie were about 700 miles under the basement. In other words: low. Going in with such sub-standard expectations, I enjoyed this movie. Unfortunately, it suffers from what so many horror movies are currently suffering: a PG-13 rating instead of an R. (See also "Alien vs. Predator"; and "The Grudge".)

How the hell do these movie studios think they can put out a successful werewolf movie without ever actually showing the werewolf killing anyone?? The victims always were dragged out of frame before they were killed. I understand if they wanted to do it for suspense purposes, but it was so clear that they really did it to keep the PG-13 rating. Disappointing. But not a terrible movie - especially if you don't mind a little cheese with your horror. Plus, Scott Baio and Craig Kilborn star as themselves. Bonus.

[NOTE: There is an "unrated" DVD version of this movie which is better. More gore. It is clear that they originally filmed this movie as an R-rated movie, which was then cut to hell to bring it to PG-13. If you're going to rent this, rent the unrated version.]

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Good ole' Natalie Walters suggested that I blog my reviews. Wonderful idea, Nayat!

I'll start with a quick review of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow....

Stars Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Giovanni Ribisi. Angelina Jolie (with an eyepatch) is in the movie for maybe 5 minutes. Other than the actors and the props with which they interact, everything in this movie is CGI. EVERYTHING. And it looks beautiful.

It also sucks. This movie is all form and no substance. The script is dreadful. The plot stupid. The acting is horrendous. And the movie is sooooooooooooooo BORING. It was only 1 hour and 40 minutes, but I swear to God it felt at least 9 hours long. Do not rent this movie. Ugh.