Clerks 2

Hey all! Yet another guest critic! This time, it's good old Rob, with his take on Clerks 2:

Let me start out by saying that I live in New Jersey. I recognized many of the places in the opening of this movie more so than the opening sequence in The Sopranos. Which I suppose, is a good thing. Clerks 2 focuses on Dante and Randall and their lives as 30-something men. Now if you've seen the first Clerks, you know that Dante is the good guy who always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Who can forget his lament, "I wasn't even supposed to be here today!" His fun loving, wise cracking buddy Randall likes to antagonize and go with the flow. The Yin to Dante's Yang. If you didn't see Clerks, well now you know those two characters. Jay and Silent Bob are back and pretty much as you remember them. ---Side note, if you've ever met my brother-in-law Pat, Jay does an ode to him at one point of the movie. Also, I swear my step-bro Mike is in the bathroom in the dance sequence.

In this movie, Dante and Randall are working at Mooby's, a burger place you may have seen in previous Kevin Smith movies. Smith does a good job of letting his movies stand on their own while also tying them together. He furthers this by having cameos from actors in previous Smith movies. When the movie starts, Dante is ready to change his life. New job, new wife, and a new home. This meets with some resistance from Randall. Dante wants to grow up and start his life while Randall is fairly content with how things are. But, if his buddy is going to move on, he'll go out in memorable fashion.

What comes next is what caused critic Joel Siegel to stand up and walk out of a movie for the first time in the 30-plus years that he's been reviewing. In the words of Kelly, a character in the movie, let's call the event "interspecies erotica."

Two new characters are introduced in this movie: Becky, the manager at Mooby's, and Elias, Mooby's Employee of the Month. Both were enjoyable characters, with the naive and Transformers-obsessed Elias stealing more then a few scenes.

Smith fans will enjoy the director's usual nod to Star Wars. Especially in a Lord of the Rings vs. Star Wars exchange.

A couple of old Smith stalwarts make cameos in the film. I must say though that I was pretty disappointed by them. I was expecting them to be either a former character they played or at least, a bit more creative. Also, those of you expecting Bob to be the font of wisdom in this flick as he's been in others will be disappointed. They played off that, but I would rather have seen him dispense chocolatey nuggets of emotional goodness as in movies past.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. It has the sarcastic wit of Clerks with the heart of Chasing Amy. It resolved in a nice way. Some may have seen it coming, but hell, I get stumped by Blue's Clues. I'd give it a 7 out of 10. I'll probably pick it up on DVD and complete the Jersey Chronicles.

Well, there you have it. Vulgarity, Lord of the Rings, and bestiality. Sign me up! Thanks, Duroc!

The Descent

This movie is awesome. It reminded me of a Stephen King kind of story. Probably because the movie doesn't waste time explaining why there is a tribe of blind, humanoid creatures living in an unexplored cave. The women who go off spelunking don't know, and never really find out, so neither do we.

This movie is scary. Jumps o' plenty, and lots of gore. I was surprised that the six women were so independently identifiable. Often, especially in horror movies, the characters all kind of bleed together (no pun intended), making one virtually indistinguishable from the next. Either that, or each woman has her own "trademark" - the tough one, the smart one, the bitch, etc. The Descent does that to an extent, but each character is more than her own one-trick-pony.

Plus, the women have their secrets they keep from each other. And these secrets affect the way they react to what's happening around them. There are even moments of genuine surprise. When one woman does something completely unexpected, the audience gasped audibly. A nice change of pace for a horror movie.

If you like horror movies, this one is NOT TO BE MISSED!! An excellent, fun movie. But don't believe me - Here's what "real" critics are saying about The Descent:

"This is one of the scariest movies featuring female heroines since the Alien series."
-- Jack Mathews, NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

"The Descent is a sharp hammer to the head and a claw to the gut, a blood-drenched creep show that wants to eat you alive. Beware, and bon appetit."
-- Tom Long, DETROIT NEWS

Four Stars. "This British horror-thriller recalls grueling, adrenaline-pumping classics like Deliverance, Jaws, Alien and Dead Calm. It's that good."
-- Jim Emerson, CHICAGO SUN-TIMES

"An object lesson in making a tightly-budgeted, no-star horror pic work through razor-sharp technique and committed performances alone."
-- Derek Elley, VARIETY

"The babes are buff and the scares bountiful in Neil Marshall's full-throttle horror freakout about six women on a caving expedition."
-- Manohla Dargis, NEW YORK TIMES

This is a good horror movie.